


Panthera

by Cylin



Series: Felidae [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Caring Hux, Explicit Consent, Fluff and Smut, Kink Negotiation, Loving Sex, M/M, Pet Play, Rimming, Rough Sex, Submissive Kylo Ren, Top Armitage Hux, overwhelmed Kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:30:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9543845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cylin/pseuds/Cylin
Summary: Second and final installment of the Felidae series.Kylo and Hux are left without Mitaka, without their tamer, protector and mediator. But both Hux and Kylo need this, so they try to negotiate the recesses of this new dynamic and hope to come out unscathed on the other side.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AtlinMerrick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtlinMerrick/gifts).



> While this can be read as stand-alone, it makes more sense and will be a more enjoyable read if you actually know which dynamic they had before (as in Felidae).  
> Enjoy!
> 
> I like to thank Oorsprong for a wonderful beta job and the encouragement! ^3^ You are invaluable!
> 
> If you find a mistake then I fucked that up and would be happy if you pointed it out to me. ^^

Kylo is only a few minutes late from their agreed meeting time, but still he feels guilty. He doesn't know why he’s late. He had enough time to plan and prepare and everything and still he'd idled letting the minutes pass by as if something held him back.

Hux is there, which is not the slightest bit surprising as it’s in his rooms that the three of them always meet.

What _is_ surprising is that he is almost fully dressed and only just starts to take off his boots when Kylo steps reluctantly through the door.

The room is already heated up to almost stifling and the two of them are alone.

“Where's Lieutenant Mitaka?” Kylo asks, looking around for the man, as if he is maybe hiding in the shadows somewhere.

“Dopheld's not coming,” Hux says curtly, finally battling his boot off his foot with an angry huff. He is tense and his movements look erratic, yet tightly controlled.

The hairs on the back of Kylo's neck stand up at the sight. Hux is tense and antsy and that... that means he needs this badly. Has probably waited way too long again until he finally called for a session. He is always trying to battle this, to draw it out, to prove that he doesn't need this, when he clearly does. It seems he views it as a personal failing. Kylo always feels sad and a little rejected to only be a last resort, to be a means to an end. Which is stupid, because when they are there, in it, and he is surrounded by Hux and the lieutenant, he wants to just be a means to an end, a means for their pleasure, but somehow that is different. They want to be there, want _him_ to be there. Want him then.

But Hux, now, only wants the peace of mind and Kylo is supposed to be his aide.

He balls his hands to tight fists at his sides, trying hard to keep control of his upwelling anger and disappointment.

“Why's he not coming?” Kylo asks through gritted teeth. “We set this up two days ago.” He could be meditating. Although, he feels unrest that wants to be settled.

“He had promised to take a shift from Thanisson and Thanisson called in that favour today.” Hux sounds annoyed. “He is an exceptionally reliable and studious officer and person. And since Thanisson's favour was standing before we agreed to meet, it took precedence.” Hux then looks up at Kylo and the space around his eyes softens somewhat. “He is very sorry,” Hux says and the warmth underlying his voice does go a long way to make Kylo feel a bit better.

He is starting to wonder now why Hux has not called this whole thing off altogether. Lieutenant Mitaka is missing and he is... he is the important one, isn't he?

Hux studies Kylo for a moment and then stares pointedly at Kylo's tunic.

“Are you not going to undress, Ren?”

“Are we – are we still doing this?” Kylo hates how unsure his voice sounds. He feels his weight shift as he subconsciously makes to step away from Hux.

“Why not?” Hux asks, starting on his own dress uniform tunic, expertly flicking the hidden clasps free with practised ease.

Kylo is not sure about this. His mind is yearning for the closeness of Hux's alter ego, but without Lieutenant Mitaka as a buffer to Hux's more confrontational and antagonistic ways Kylo is not sure he really wants to be here. He is okay now, like this. He can easily stand up to Hux and never even use his superior strength and abilities, but like _that_?

In light of the lieutenant not playing tamer, Kylo feels oddly fragile all of a sudden. He isn't sure he could take a single rejection and there is no one here to protect him from Hux's animal cruelty. He is not brutal, but cruel nonetheless.

“C'mon!” Hux barks, already down to his First Order issue boxer briefs.

Kylo makes no move to undress – or leave. He feels trapped.

Hux abandons his undressing and steps closer to Kylo, but stops before he reaches him. He is tense and brimming with it as if he is not entirely sure he is allowed to step closer to Kylo.

“Please.”

The softness of his voice makes Kylo's head snap up and he is just quick enough to see Hux's eyes slide away and to the side, his face twitching for only a second with an expression Kylo has never before on his features. Embarrassment.

“I need it.”

“Okay.” The word slips from his mouth before he can think about it, feels strangely automatic and he realises that between stepping into Hux's quarters and now he has started to slowly slip under, eager to oblige, to please. His face heats and it is not embarrassment, or delight, but annoyance at himself. Like this he finds it hard to not give in towards Hux's demands and wishes, somehow part of him has decided that it is the right thing to do anyway.

He slowly hoists his heavy tunic over his head, sliding the suspenders off his shoulders next.

“How are we going to do this without Lieutenant Mitaka?” He asks quietly subdued, not looking up from his task of divesting himself obediently of his clothes.

“I'm sure we'll find a way, Ren.”

The name pulls Kylo out a little bit and part of him grows annoyed to be pulled back. He wants to go there. He wants to feel that free, without consequences, with someone else to decide for him, to care for him – care _about_ him. Even if that caring means to make him feel used and powerless. He needs it to.

And Hux has just pulled him back into himself with a single word.

Kylo grits his teeth and strips off his trousers.

When he finally looks up, fully naked now, Hux is already on the floor, sitting on his haunches, his hands resting seemingly relaxed on his slim, but lithely muscled thighs.

It is a farce of calmness. Kylo can see his fingers trembling just the slightest bit.

Anyone else would not have noticed he is sure, but he does. He knows what Hux looks like – feels like – when he is truly relaxed. It occurs to him in a sudden moment of clarity that he is probably one of only a few people – two to be exact – who are ever allowed to witness that.

Kylo lets himself sink to the floor a meter or so away from Hux, facing him. They sit like this for a while, just breathing regularly and looking at each other.

Hux relaxes slowly, the tension bleeding away from his spine, from the lumbar area upwards, not making him sag, but still making him seem more curled, the vertebrae easily moving out of their rigid column to become something... other. More lithe, and flexible, and springy.

Kylo slowly descends, his mind becoming sluggish and heavy, while still maintaining that strange hyper-focus that makes these encounters so exhausting and refreshing simultaneously.

He feels that yearning slowly take over, swivelling and slowly unfolding inside him as if awakening from a deep sleep and pushing everything else away.

Hux still stares at him, following every shift with sharp eyes. He is leaning forwards a little, so slowly that it looks as if he doesn't move at all, but instead is  pulled towards Kylo.

Kylo is quite sure the movement is wholly unintentional, that somehow the change in Kylo draws him in in some way.

Then Hux lifts his right arm, pulling his hand away from his thigh and places it slowly, deliberately on the floor in front of him, leaning into the movement, his back bowing elegantly. His hand makes a soft, wet sound as it fully spreads out on the floor, the fingers wide, but relaxed. He looks straight at Kylo, his gaze a mixture of challenging and playful.

He is _there_ and Kylo feels a strange flutter at seeing it. And a hint of envy at how easily Hux slid into it.

Usually Kylo is fast to go under and Hux needs his time. It speaks to how unsettled Hux is, how much he needs this, that he slips this fast. And yet Kylo is envious, that he is there, while Kylo struggles with it.

He misses Mitaka. Misses his soothing presence and also his protection, while a snide part of himself berates himself sharply for being so reliant, so childish as to need a protector. But he also wants to have this closeness, to be able to feel Hux brushing his side as only these encounters ever allow him. As _he_ himself only allows it in these sessions.

“Hux,” he whispers without volition. His voice sounds soft and yearning.

If Hux's temporalis muscles could move his ears he would have cocked them. As it is, he freezes, brimming in his stillness before he slowly slides forward, effortlessly lifting out of his crouch to stretch his body outwards, forwards towards Kylo, the placement of his hands on the floor a mere afterthought to his lithe, sensual movements. He is almost close enough to touch when Kylo realises that Hux's pupils are dilating sharply.

Kylo's eyes flick down almost reflexively to where he can see just a sliver of orangey-red pubic hair.

Hux is already hardening.

This hasn't happened before. Not this quickly.

Usually they descend into _there_ and then sometimes, not always, things somehow, somewhere shift and their movements and caresses change to something following direction, following a path and turning sexual. But this? This so early on, when he has trouble even getting to that space inside his head, makes him feel even less able to cope.

A soft whining noise from the back of his throat crawls up his nose, releasing on a long, wobbling breath.

He closes his eyes for a moment, determined to let himself fall into that headspace and then leans forward with closed eyes.

His forehead connects with skin and shifting, underlying muscle. It is warm. So warm. Hux is always so warm. So at odds with the part of his personality that everyone sees every day.

He sighs quietly. Short hair tickles his nose. He must have nudged into the side of Hux's neck then. He breathes in deeply and finally relaxes somewhat. Until his mind reminds him to be wary around Hux and pulls him up again. Kylo whimpers, annoyed at himself and despairing quietly. He wants to just get _there_ , to finally let everything fall away, but the absence of Mitaka makes him instinctively uneasy.

He pulls back and opens his eyes. They sting and feel heavy, but not entirely with relaxation.

Hux looks at him. A slight frown steals into his expression as he follows Kylo's movement back, away from him.

“I'm sorry,“ Kylo says quietly. He folds his hands in his lap and looks at his bitten fingernails. This feels like a personal failing. Like a task he is unable to perform although it is child's play.

“I'm sorry,” he repeats.

He hears Hux move, naked skin sliding on the floor. When he looks up Hux is stretched out on the floor on his side, his face resting on his biceps, but his unerring gaze still fixed on Kylo. He seems to be waiting.

Maybe he is giving Kylo space and time to finally let himself drift under. But Kylo doubts – in fact he knows – that it is simply not possible today. He looks away to hide what his face is doing as his inability to play into this game crushes around his chest. He doesn't want Hux to see that.

Hux makes a soft sound, questioning and oddly gentle. It sounds like his invitation noise, but more careful and probing.

Kylo shakes his head, still not looking at him. He stares at his fingers curled loosely in his lap again. They brush his dark pubic hair, resting against his flaccid penis.

He just can't get there tonight.

Mitaka... but maybe it isn't only Mitaka’s absence.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe this is as far as he'll be able to go.

Maybe he will never be able to fall again.

The thought makes him choke and he sucks in a shivering breath. Despite his best efforts it sounds as distressed as he feels. It is damning.

There again is the sound of slightly sweaty skin sliding over the floor and Kylo looks up.

Hux freezes in his movement. His torso is halfway propped up on his arms, the muscles quivering with the strain and he looks at Kylo with wide, unsure eyes, as if Kylo caught him doing something he is not supposed to be doing.

“I'm sorry, Hux,” Kylo mumbles. “I can't. I don't know why, but I just can't.” And yet, he yearns to be able to surge up towards Hux, brush his flank against Hux's and just be and actually enjoy the contact. Allow himself this.

When Kylo doesn't move, Hux slowly pushes himself up and Kylo thinks he’ll get up completely, will rise up into his normal self and call the whole thing quits. But instead he inches carefully closer. His gaze on Kylo all the time, his eyes darting over his face, assessing, interpreting.

Confusion wins over Kylo's worry and unease. “What are you...?”

Hux makes a soft huffing sound. He ducks his head a little, still looking up at Kylo. Only now does he see how hard Hux's fingers clench on the ground, how they are white from it. Hux's back is tense again and his flanks twitch slightly, but it is a different tension than when he is fully himself. It takes Kylo a moment to identify it.

Hux is uncertain.

In fact, he seems very nervous.

It makes Kylo intensely uneasy. If Hux is unsure then that means something big and that... that frightens Kylo on an instinctual level. He tenses, swallows audibly.

Hux hesitates for a brief moment, but then seems to catch himself and with a small inhale pushes boldly forwards. He pushes against Kylo's arm, nudging it until Kylo reflexively lifts it, staring dubiously at Hux rubbing his cheek against Kylo's naked flank and then slowly settling his head down on his thigh with the rest of his body settling in a tight curve around Kylo's folded legs.

Kylo just stares at him, nonplussed, his arm still lifted.

Hux has his eyes closed, but Kylo knows he is far from relaxed, because his whole body is one tense bow.

At first Kylo doesn't really know what to do now. This is something that just hasn't happened before. It is either both of them _there_ or none of them. This... this is new territory. Without Mitaka to guide him, to reassure him, Kylo is at a loss. He has no idea what the dynamic is anymore, what is asked of him, what he is supposed to do.

Hux's tension rises incrementally the longer they remain like this, unmoving. He starts to shake and Kylo is almost sure he is only remaining curled around him by sheer force of will, too stubborn to give up.

Kylo releases a breath that has been stuck in his chest for so long he feels dizzy with it. His arm feels heavy too, so he settles it carefully on Hux's shoulder.

Hux makes a startled sound and Kylo would have yanked his arm back again had Hux not suddenly started to get heavy as the tension swiftly and fully bleeds out of him at the contact.

Kylo stares at him, at his arm touching Hux, at his hand just mere centimeters away from his neck. His fingers twitch. They itch to touch.

Slowly, as not to startle Hux, Kylo lets his fingers drift up the curve of his neck, behind his ear and slowly spreads his fingers into the ginger hair, breaking up the gel as they go.

Hux shudders at the contact, a grateful sound rumbled through his chest. He shifts even closer, nudging his shoulder more firmly against Kylo's thigh.

Slowly he begins to card his fingers through Hux's hair, making him sigh.

Kylo sags a little in relief. This is okay. He is doing okay.

His fingers wander along Hux's scalp in small circles intermittent with long strokes, tousling the hair.

He becomes lost in it, the slow stroking and the feeling of fine strands under his calloused fingertips, the warmth of Hux's scalp and the tingle this leaves on Kylo's skin.

The repetitive movement is so soothing, Hux's small sounds of contentment so gently rewarding that Kylo loses any sense of time. He is focused entirely on his task and yet, his mind drifts, relaxed and wide. The air is still, the room warm and Hux's body even warmer.

He must have dozed off as he suddenly jerks awake when his back lists to the side. Hux twitches, also woken by Kylo's sudden jolt underneath him.

Kylo's back twinges as he moves, the muscles complaining about the prolonged position. The small of his back aches from being slightly curled forwards for so long.

“Hux,” he croaks softly and is surprised how hoarse his voice sounds. As if he has indeed slept. “Hux, can we move?”

Hux sluggishly turns around onto his back, keeping his head firmly pillowed on Kylo's thigh.

The change in position makes the muscles twinge there, too, as blood finally flows back to where the weight of Hux's head has depressed the tissue. But all that is a minor thing as he looks into Hux's wide, slightly glassy eyes. They look almost turquoise now in the low light, open and deep. Kylo can't look away.

The moment is broken as Hux pulls away from under Kylo's arm, sitting back on his haunches, stretching his arms wide on the floor in front of him, his back arching. He makes a face as his body, too, informs him, that sleeping on a hard floor when you are over thirty is not necessarily a good idea.

Done with his full body stretch he makes a huffing sound, nodding his head towards his bedroom in an oddly human gesture that creates a disharmonic twinge for Kylo. It is so at odds with his still languid, elegantly curved body, standing up on all fours as he is.

Kylo gets up slowly and grimaces when his joints pop and crackle. It earns him a slightly smug smirk from Hux.

Kylo walks slowly on wobbly legs into Hux's bedroom, stopping suddenly when he is inside. He isn't sure what he is allowed to do here. He's never really been in this space, except transferred through to get to the fresher. All their encounters take place in the front room. Any bedding needed is usually carried there from Hux's bed and cupboards.

Kylo feels a nudge above his knee. When he looks down, Hux, still on his hands and knees, undulates his body against the side of his leg ending with a firm headbutt towards the bed.

“I.. thank you,” Kylo mutters awkwardly as he gets onto the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight, and then waddles laboriously forwards on his knees until he reaches the other end and settles propped halfway up against the headboard. This room, too, is warm enough that he doesn't need to get under a blanket and anyway, he still feels like an intruder in here, he hardly feels comfortable getting under Hux’s duvet.

Once Kylo settles and stops fidgeting, Hux clambers onto the bed himself. Despite doing this on all fours, his slow, but deliberate movements paint a much more elegant picture than Kylo's earlier shuffling. He flushes at the thought of how unattractively ungainly that must have looked from Hux's point of view.

Hux though seems completely undeterred, unerringly sliding his slim body next to Kylo's and rests his head on Kylo's slightly angled stomach his time.

At first Kylo thinks this such an odd position to find himself in. Fully naked with Hux snuggled up to him, his head heavy on his stomach, Hux’s face turned towards his flaccid cock and neither angling towards sexual contact.

At a loss of what to do, Kylo simply continues to stroke his fingers through Hux's hair. Something which Hux seems to enjoy very much.

Kylo's other hand joins in, pulling and mussing the hair with renewed gusto. It is nice hair and he never really touched it before. Not like this at least. Only brushed it off his face usually, or through it when their bodies slid against each other in their dance around a center.

After a while Kylo's hands feel heavy again, his body relaxed. Hux, too is heavy against him and Kylo isn't sure he is even still awake, so he lets himself drift over.

When he opens his eyes again, he can’t say if he slept or merely dozed. Or how much time has passed. He looks to the nightstand but the chrono is turned to face the wall and Kylo doesn’t really care anyway. There surely is an alarm - or three - set somewhere that will alert Hux when it is time for him to get up for his next shift.

Kylo looks down at the top of Hux’s head. It still rests on his stomach, but is heavy now. So if Hux is not asleep, he is definitely completely relaxed.

It is like a punch when realisation hits him how much Hux must trust him to completely let his guard down like this, to - for use of a better word - _snuggle_ up and curl around him. Even now, when Kylo is not in that other state with him. When Kylo is… He doesn’t know what he is right now.

He grows uncomfortable as the severity of the situation becomes clear to him.

This is not how they are. This isn't what they do. Kylo misses Mitaka. But there is also a driving curiosity tingling his nerves.

This is all new, new territory, new ground. New possibilities.

New rules, too, maybe.

That last thought scares and excites him in equal measure. He wants the old ones to hold. They are established, safe.

But part of Kylo brims and hums with the tantalising call of the unknown and the new, of a possible shift and new ground.

Hux's breath ghosts steadily over his naked skin, caresses his lower belly and cock in a cycling, cooling stream of air.

What has been soothing and nice and warm and inconsequential, slowly grows exciting the longer it prevails.

Kylo's heart rate starts to increase. He can tell all too clearly by the low throbbing in his chest. And he is getting more and more nervous.

Hux must have picked up on this - so he hasn’t been asleep - because he sluggishly shuffles around, turning his head towards Kylo. His spine twists gracefully, his arms folded underneath his torso, wedged against Kylo’s side, his legs press firm and warm - _so warm_ \- to his. Then he stills and just looks at Kylo, chin resting on his sternum, scrutinising him quietly. His eyes look large and otherworldly calm. But then the skin around his mouth twitches nervously, making the slight wrinkles there stand out, as a shy smile blooms on his lips.

Kylo feels hot suddenly. He has never seen him like this. Mitaka commented once or twice on Hux’s shy smiles, but Kylo was usually gone too far. He was aware of the words, but either unseeing, or he had his arms crossed over his face as he so often does.

But now... now there it is, that small, timid thing. And it is slowly turning rather mischievous.

Kylo swallows, the loud gulp embarrassingly audible.

Hux averts his eyes for a second, even hiding his face in Kylo's stomach, until they swivel back to him, glinting and alert. Although Kylo can’t see his whole face, as it is still mashed into the muscles of his stomach, he sees Hux's eyes smile.

It is so _soft_ , that smile.

Kylo marvels at it and at the same time it is deeply unnerving. He doesn't know what to do here. This is not... he is not the one to... he doesn't know what to _do_. Hux is never soft. Not here, not ever. He is more susceptible to bodily contact with Kylo and he would enjoy Mitaka cuddling him, but not Kylo.

Kylo wishes yet again, that he was _there_. That he could understand Hux. It is so much easier that way. There is so much stripped away, communication simmered down to it's most basic function and Kylo can deal, but this? This makes his head spin, makes him question his every move, _Hux_ 's every move and it is stressing him out.

He can follow, wants to even, but is at a loss at the challenge he sees glittering in Hux's gaze. Challenging what? Him? Kylo is not even the one leading here.

Hux seems to take pity on him, not waiting on any action from Kylo - or possibly he’s grown bored of Kylo's indecision. Hux opens his mouth slowly, something Kylo feels against his skin. Then Hux closes his teeth gently around a thick area of muscle and skin.

Kylo scrutinises him, curious and transfixed. He gasps loudly as a wet tongue laves the roll of skin and muscle caught between teeth.

“Hux!”

Hux just growls, delighted and deep. He lets go of his prize with a wet pop, leaving a blushing oval of teeth marks behind as he slowly slides downwards. Hux’s face brushes against Kylo's hipbone and he is sure Hux will dive straight for his hardening erection. But he diverts towards the side, brushes against Kylo's outer thigh pushing it against the other.

Hux nuzzles the crease underneath his buttock between thigh and cheek.

It sends a prickling wave of arousal through his whole body and Kylo cries out sharply, his hands curling uselessly into the thick duvet on either side of him.

It tickles - sort of - but then it really doesn’t. It makes his stomach do an odd spasm, his cock stiffening further.

Hux is not supposed to be gentle. Not when Kylo isn’t in that other space with him, not when Mitaka isn’t here to ground Kylo. Not when Kylo doesn’t have the security of being _there_ , the excuse of being in that state of mind, where everything is different. Is allowed to be different. Where it isn’t really them.

He feels a sob building in his throat, threatening to spill over, tenses as Hux nuzzles softly against his skin with an open mouth. His breath is hot and humid and Kylo can’t take this. This is not how… he can’t.

He is starting to shake and he hates himself for it, for being so transparent. He misses his clothes and helmet. Wants to wrap himself up in familiar layers.

Hux suddenly draws back and then there are rough hands on Kylo’s thigh, pushing it over towards the other, twisting his spine until his torso has to follow.

Kylo’s arms are trapped at uncomfortable angles underneath him, one hand bend awkwardly at the wrist, his cock still hard but softening, is squeezed too tightly between stomach and duvet.

As soon as Kylo lies haphazardly on his front, Hux is over him.

Kylo yelps, shocked as he feels a harsh bite a the base of his neck, not letting go, pinning him to the bed, while Hux’s whole weight pushes him down all along his back.

Kylo tenses involuntarily for half a second, before he stills completely, his breath forced in harsh pants through his nose.

If he moves Hux’s teeth will only clamp tighter. There is the curl of fear scraping in his gut.

Kylo whimpers pitifully.

This is more normal, this he can deal with.

Hux doesn’t let him go. Instead Kylo feels his hands kneading against his shoulder blades massaging the skin. He seems to wait for something. Kylo has no idea for what.

As his racing mind slowly calms, the freeze impulse diminishes and his tension eases somewhat at no renewed painful stimuli. Kylo realises what Hux has actually done. What he probably wanted to achieve: With Kylo on his front, Hux isn’t able to see his face. Kylo can hide his expressions, his stupidly open visage.

He whimpers again. This time in silent gratitude. Because he is not sure if Hux will understand, he adds a small, croaking, “Thank you,” and is appalled at how embarrassingly grateful he sounds.

Slowly Hux peels his teeth away from his neck. His hands don’t cease their kneading though and he laps a few times over the rapidly bruising bite mark. He hums, content while he does it. Then his licking, nipping kisses wander down Kylo’s spine.

The lower Hux gets, the more Kylo’s tension racks up. But this time it's in anticipation rather than stress.

Hux stops at the dip in Kylo’s lower spine and spends a long while laving the skin, nipping and biting softly, always swiping his tongue over the bites. The whole of the small of Kylo’s back is so wet even the warm air of the room makes it feel cool as Hux’s saliva slowly evaporates. It feels odd, but also good, Kylo decides, as wave after wave of goosebumps travel over his skin.

Kylo’s whole skin feels alive, as if the spit Hux is spreading over his skin is seeping into it, spreading and wandering like little trickles of electrified water over his whole body, following the Force lines in his being.

Kylo gasps and only now becomes aware that he is fisting the sheets and arching his back slightly, pushing back into Hux.

Hux suddenly nips at his buttock and Kylo squeaks in shock, twitching away. He hears a huff of amusement. A puff of playful laughter.

Kylo has never heard him laugh before, not really. He has heard him languid and sated and happy in the afterglow and what Mitaka calls aftercare of their sessions, but never laughter.

It sounds really dorky and if Kylo wasn’t so distracted by the stinging sensation now blooming with warmth on his cheek, he might even have commented on it. As is, he is keeping it to himself - _for_ himself. Dorky little snort.

The next instant Kylo’s breath hitches sharply, punched out of him.

Hux’s hands claw at his cheeks, spread them unceremoniously as wide as Kylo’s taut skin will allow. He mashes his face into Kylo’s crack, hot, humid breath exploding out against Kylo’s skin, before a warm, wet tongue circles his hole.

Kylo squeaks again, but this time it peters off into a high pitched whine and a bone deep shudder of all his limbs. He tries to get away. It’s too much.

It’s not a hygiene issue: Kylo knows he is clean.

To Kylo the two hours he spends to get himself and his body ready are as much part of this, a ritual as integral to this, as the actual session. This is why they plan these sessions, so he can prepare, so he can get ready, so he can get himself into the mindset he needs to be in. But Hux has tossed everything on its head.

This is not something they have ever done before. Kylo realises with a jolt, that until now he thought this practice only in the realm of swearing and the leering comments people threw at each other. Except for a perverted few he never believed people really did this. Least of all Hux. He never expressed any interest, never alluded to any of this.

Kylo is reminded again how utterly strange, how extraordinary this is and that he is unable to cope well. It feels like someone tossed him into a maelstrom and is expecting him to swim.

He squirms and twitches again, but Hux’s fingers dig into the muscle of his arse, keeping him in place.

His voice is small and husky, wobbling with uncertainty when he simply asks, “Hux?”

It is answered with a soft whine, the exhale of which Kylo can feel as a warm, humid brush over the crest of his buttocks petering out over his lower back.

“Please?” Hux’s voice is so strained, so thin and croaking Kylo almost cannot connect it to the man or the animal he knows. It is wholly different and it scares him a little. It doesn’t sound like Hux at all.

Unreasonable panic grabs Kylo around the throat and he has to look, has to turn. He knows it’s illogical, that Hux has not changed, that there is not someone different, no monster sitting behind him, touching him, wanting to care. But there is also that feeling that tells him that there might be.

He cranes his neck, twisting awkwardly.

There is Hux, still behind him, kneeling on the mattress. He is looking at Kylo over his back, his face still half hidden by Kylo’s arse, but Hux pushes himself up now, letting go of his cheeks.

They both look at each other until Hux averts his eyes and instead brushes his nose carefully, almost lovingly over the skin. His gaze at last strays up to Kylo’s eyes again, the look questioning as he sticks out his tongue and follows the path his nose has taken, his eyes on him, leaving Kylo feeling wet and vaguely and oddly cared for. He doesn’t like to feel cared for. Well, that’s not quite true: he doesn’t like how much he likes to be cared for. It’s not something that he can allow. Not like this. He just can’t.

Or at least he cannot be seen doing it.

Hux’s piercing stare is still on him, still questioning, waiting patiently.

Kylo can see the exact moment, the little hitch and start, when Hux realises he is staring and averts his gaze immediately to somewhere on Kylo’s chest. It makes Kylo’s chest twinge a little that Hux has to look away, that Kylo cannot manage otherwise. He feels small and weak for it, but he also knows from other sessions that it is never worth it to push himself to change it. He just is this weak and useless and both Hux and Mitaka do not seem to mind. Mind more when he tries to work against himself and gets upset. It seems to upset them in turn. Kylo doesn’t want that.

Hux is still waiting for an answer.

“You really want to...,” he trails off, but casts a meaningful look at him. Hux’s gaze flits back up and he nods, looking very eager, but also blushing slightly. And that shy look is back in his eyes. He seems to look at anything, but Kylo directly. It might be still for Kylo’s benefit, but he thinks not. There is a different quality to it now. A nervous jitter.

“Okay,” Kylo mutters to himself, steeling himself, then, louder, “Yes, okay.”

Hux surges forwards, his skin warm against Kylo’s and for a second Kylo thinks Hux might kiss him.

Hux seems to startle himself halfway through the motion as well and veers off to Kylo’s cheek at the last moment. His cheek rubs against Kylo’s, then back, followed by his cool nose brushing along his cheekbone.

Kylo cannot help but moan softly.

Hux draws back, his gaze intent, searching. But before Kylo can feel uncomfortable, Hux lowers his eyes and repeats the gentle cheek to cheek contact. His nose brushes against the corner of Kylo's top lip.

Kylo really wants to kiss him. But he can't. He simply cannot let himself.

So he leans back down on his front again, burying – hiding – his face between his crossed arms, his nose squashed into the mattress.

He feels Hux shuffle back, two fingers trailing very un-animal like down his spine, which confuses Kylo a little, until they're met by his other hand spreading his cheeks wide and Kylo's focus snaps to that part of his body immediately, solely.

Kylo bites back the loud groan that threatens to escape. His hands are balled into tight fists with the effort. His breath changes, but it is the only concession he grants himself to the weird, but also infinitely titillating sensation of Hux's tongue against his hole. It's wet and so warm and slick and it should be disgusting, but it is anything but.

A whine makes it up his throat and Kylo tries his hardest to keep it back, but it spills over his lips into the room at large.

Instead of giving Hux pause or making him laugh at Kylo's neediness – at Kylo's weakness – it spurs Hux on. The licks are harder now, the tip of his tongue probing, pushing, gliding on spit, skipping over the little, slowly relaxing whorls.

He can feel Hux's breath, the hot puffs of it, irregular and increasing in speed, panting from where his nose is wedged against Kylo's tailbone.

Somehow these hitching, irregular breaths are even more exciting than what Hux is currently doing to Kylo with his tongue. He is a bit perplexed at why that is so.

Hux’s hands let go of his buttocks to roam in gently kneading, sometimes clawing strokes up Kylo’s flanks to his shoulderblades. But Hux’s face stays where it is, his nose pressed against Kylo’s coccyx, his tongue against his hole gently lapping, obviously content to take his time though his breathing is strained.

“Can you – Can you breathe okay? Is this okay?” Kylo cannot help to ask, growing a little concerned with the level of aborted, muffled inhales and exhales exploding and sucking on his skin.

He only gets a louder puff of breath in reply, which does nothing to reassure him.

But then Hux crouches down, shuffling a little to straddle Kylo's calf and Kylo feels his erection rub, sticky and very, very hard against the muscle of his leg.

Oh.

Hux moans at the friction against his cock, sounding strained and wanting and his hands claw into the meat of Kylo's backside. He seems unable to refrain from rutting against Kylo's calf for a few erratic thrusts, before he pulls his groin away. His breath has changed to a pitiful whine, but he still works his tongue against Kylo now with even more dedication, spreading Kylo's cheeks wider, burying his face deeper between the globes.

Kylo never thought this activity could be pleasurable for the one giving it, but then maybe Hux is an odd one.

So Kylo decides not to decide anything and just bunches the sheet and a pillow under his head and buries his face in it, muffling the moans he cannot hold back.

As much as he doesn’t want to be heard, be seen, or his neediness in any way acknowledged, he does like to listen to Hux’s half swallowed groans between his cheeks. He likes those a lot.

So much so, he realises with a more and more pressing need that as wonderful, as exciting and arousing as this is, he wants something else. But he can’t say it. It’s already so hard to even move, or even think it. Thinking it makes the wanting real and Kylo’s not good with his wants. Or rather his _needs_.

He slowly lists to the side and although Hux makes a small sound of protest and holds on to his cheeks, keeping them spread as long as he can, he relents and lets Kylo go reluctantly.

He is so wet. Hux’s saliva coats his whole crack, making the cheeks slide against each other as he moves. By all accounts it shouldn’t feel good, but to Kylo it does. He always knew he was a weird one, too. He is surprised that he is even surprised about that.

When he turns around Hux’s face is also wet. The skin glistens up to his sharp cheekbones. There is a thin string of spit running in a loop from his lower lip to his chin. It looks like a fine gossamer thread catching the low light of the room.

Kylo wants to taste it. To know what that string of viscous moisture feels like. To kiss Hux’s chin, lick along his throat. To find out what his saliva mixed with the sweat on his skin tastes like. But most of all he wants to kiss him. Kylo realises now that this is suddenly the most important part, the most pressing need he feels. But he just can’t. Can’t make himself ask or even lean in.

Instead he takes the next best thing, skips to the point underneath kissing on his list of needs.

Hux’s eyes follow the movement as he Force-calls the bottle to his hand.

Kylo holds the lube out to him. He knows from previous sessions that Hux might be gone so deep that he won’t be able to loosen him up and Kylo is fully prepared to do this himself, but he has to ask first, get permission somehow. And he cannot ask, not with words anyway, but he hopes this is clear enough. Hopes that Hux will consent, that he will allow Kylo to have this. That he will want Kylo this way.

He is never sure Hux really does.

They do this quite often when they’re _there_. When Mitaka is there to guide them. But Kylo is never sure Hux really wants this, or just goes along with what happens naturally between them, what Mitaka directs them to do sometimes. It always plays into Kylo’s needs, but he isn’t sure it ever really plays into Hux’s.

Hux just stares, his gaze intense, skipping once to the bottle of lube until it settles back on Kylo, unerringly.

Kylo cannot read him at all, doesn’t know if the set look is Hux covering an insecurity or surprise or a rejection he is already preparing. Kylo isn’t sure he can take that right now. He already feels his eyes burning, the back of his throat closing up and hurting. He can’t look at Hux anymore, the feeling of wanting to vanish, to hide his big stupid body right now, so strong he just lets the lube bottle drop and flings both arms over his face, his body wracked with messy quakes, wanting to turn to the side and away. Just away. Anywhere but here.

Unfortunately Hux is still perched between his spread legs, so his sudden jackknifing to the side only catches Hux’s slim waist between Kylo’s thighs.

There is the sudden weight of Hux’s full body dropped onto Kylo and he feels the faint scratch of stubble on his chest, just under his collarbones.

Hux rubs his head against him, his nose nudging Kylo repeatedly under the chin.

It feels apologetic, this gesture, and for a second Kylo is horrified that he might be inadvertently reading Hux’s mind. But he is not, he is sure he’s not. That is absolutely forbidden when they are like this.

Only “like this” doesn’t really apply to them right now. They have never before been _like this_. Without Mitaka.

Kylo feels the loss most keenly now. He feels unmoored, adrift and humiliated for having shown so clearly what he desires. What he needs.

Hux’s nudging and rubbing grows more frantic, the swathes of his cheek against Kylo’s upper chest long and insistent.

Hux whimpers then, low, agonised and mourning and behind his arms Kylo’s eyes fly open. He has never heard anything like it. He carefully peeks out from under his crossed arms, looking down his nose at what he can see of Hux.

Hux bows his back to bring as much of his body into contact with Kylo as he can. His shoulders work, the lithe muscles shifting under his lightly freckled skin, as Hux’s arms and hands join in to the now frantic rush for contact. Kylo feels Hux’s fingers reach under his crossed arms. They flutter against his neck for a moment, quickly pulled away again, as if unsure of their welcome only to come to an uneasy rest against his shoulders. His fingers curl gently around the curve of the joint repeatedly, kneading softly.

“Hux?” Kylo rasps and damn, his throat still feels tight and raw.

Hux freezes for a second. Then his weight shifts, his next breath a small beseeching whimper and Kylo feels him nudge hesitantly against his arms.

Reluctantly Kylo lets Hux shove them away from his face, but he keeps them resting on his forehead just in case. He feels unsettled as it is.

Hux looks down at him with an intensely guilty expression. His brows are drawn together and up and Kylo can see him cringe on his behalf.

He quickly drops his gaze, probably realising that he is staring again, that Kylo doesn’t like to be looked at. Not when he feels this vulnerable.

Kylo is disgusted at how relieved he feels that Hux acquiesces to his odd peculiarities.

Hux slowly settles his weight again, but a little lower and gently nudges his nose against one of Kylo’s nipples.

Kylo cannot help but shiver as the touch sends a spark of titillating arousal sizzling into his groin.

Hux draws back and looks at Kylo, his expression an endearing mix of questioning and still apologetic before he drops his gaze again and waits. Half of his face and his nose are red from rubbing against Kylo so vigorously and the normal Hux would hate to be seen like this, but this one…. this one is so different. And still waiting for Kylo.

“Please let me be gentle with you. Please.” Hux whispers barely audible. His voice cracking even more under his underlying insecurity he croaks, “Please?”

It is like a jolt through Kylo’s whole body when he realises he missed the point where Hux drew up from _there_ and came back to be fully _here_. It is unsettling and frightening how Kylo didn’t notice. How he was so inattentive, so _unguarded_.

This is ground even further out from where they’ve been. This is fully them and Kylo isn’t sure he can bear it. In fact he is pretty sure he can’t.

“Can’t. I- I just.... _can’t_.” Kylo feels hopelessly overwhelmed. He looks pleadingly at Hux. He wants to - part of him does anyway - but he just cannot allow it. Allow himself this.

“Okay.” Hux says simply, but his expression darkens, looks concerned. He frowns deeply for a moment, but then his features brighten somewhat, hopeful. “Can I make you?” He amends, “I mean, will you let me if I make you?”

Kylo frowns. This again is new ground. But it seems less alien.

He is under no illusions that despite being so powerful he has very little influence over his own life, has been under some kind of tutelage and guidance since he was very little. Since Snoke started whispering to him. And he likes it that it’s constricted. Needs it probably on some level. Can fuck up less if he just follows orders. This is familiar in a way and this familiarity feels safe. Or safer, at least. But he can’t make himself nod. He just swallows audibly, staring helplessly up at Hux and twitches one shoulder in a minute shrug.

Slowly prying Kylo’s hands away from his forehead, Hux pushes them left and right next to Kylo’s head against the bed.

Kylo looks up at Hux, his eyes wide and deep. Something drops within himself. It is not pleasant, but not bad either. Just really, really odd.

His wrists are held and although he could easily overpower Hux, Kylo feels caught. Like he couldn’t get free even if he wanted to, is robbed of his agency completely.

His stomach drops again, or just drops more, he is not sure. But instead of tightening, the knot dissolves into cloying warmth that is suddenly not unpleasant at all.

He realises that - if he wants to - he _is_ robbed of his agency.

In a very good way. A very safe way.

He sighs, relaxing completely underneath Hux.

Hux looks surprised. His light eyes jump over his face, taking in every detail, never settling, assessing.

“Keep them there,” Hux orders, tightening his hold on Kylo’s wrists for a moment. Kylo nods sluggishly, his eyes half closed. He feels like he is drifting somehow. It feels familiar, but he cannot place it at the moment.

A quiet moan slips from Kylo’s lips as Hux snakes a hand between them and two fingers brush gently against his hole.

It is still slick with Hux’s spit and Hux lets his head drop onto Kylo’s chest, shuddering once, his breath choppy for a moment. Kylo hears a soft “fuck” under his breath.

He doesn’t remember where the lube is but Hux does apparently as his fingers cease their stroking and draw away. But once back they’re slick and cool.

Hux circles his hole in soothing swathes before he slowly, carefully pushes in.

Kylo’s fingers twitch nervously at the gentle gesture.

Hux stops for a second, his eyes darting over Kylo’s face again in their assessing, skittering way. Then he places his other hand just over the dip between Kylo’s collarbones, his fingers spreading out, the thumb not digging in yet, but definitely pushing down against the slope of his throat in silent warning.

Kylo’s hands relax, that oddly comforting sinking feeling back, grounding him. He sighs and then moans, his spine arching with the inward push of two of Hux’s fingers, then quickly three.

Kylo feels loose and even wetter now. Spit and lube being pushed carefully into him. The thought sends a frisson of lust through his body and he groans. He grabs the sheets helplessly, but keeps his hands where Hux ordered him to. He is a little proud of that, of that level of coordination and obedience, when Hux’s slow pumping flecks his vision with electric sparks.

Hux’s fingers - his hands…. He is always so precise with his hands.

Kylo writhes with a broken groan while Hux slides his fingers in again and again, the sounds sucking and slick, filthy in a way that makes Kylo’s face hot and his stomach burn with molten arousal.

The pressure of Hux’s hands against his chest - so close to his throat, to his trachea - only serve to push Kylo further, his head dizzy, his focus completely on the sensations chasing through his body.

This is so good. Almost too good to be deserved. Kylo’s gut suddenly clenches.

Throat dry from panting, Kylo rasps out his breaths and chokes when he feels Hux push slowly inside him, Hux’s cock stretching him, his hand tightening around Kylo’s throat.

His name falls from Hux’s lips as he bottoms out, panting harshly, the hand against Kylo’s throat trembling slightly.

Hux curls up over him, protective, his body a shield. Against what Kylo can’t say, but it makes something clammy slowly coalesce in his gut. A feeling sneaks up on him that he should not crave this protection as much as he does, mustn’t be allowed to enjoy it.

Hux’s eyes are dark and wide, shining with something. His face for once an open book, gentled and still shy, but also boldened with being allowed to care. Kylo again thinks that Hux might kiss him. But he doesn’t and part of him is deeply disappointed, while the other crawls and tightens unpleasantly.

Hux’s hand trails away from Kylo’s collarbones, up the side of his neck and behind his ear, spreading his fingers into his dark hair.

Kylo’s heart beats faster at the careful caress.

This is okay, he tells himself, this is what Hux needs, what he craves. Kylo can give him that. And yet, his heartbeat speeds up even more and a frown draws his brows together.

Hux’s own brows draw close at Kylo’s expression and he leans closer, the hand in Kylo’s hair combs through the sweaty strands tenderly and then descends on Kylo’s forehead, smoothing the frown line away, brushing over his brow.

Kylo valiantly relaxes his facial muscles. He finds it hard to breathe. This is so caring, so at odds with what he knows. His longing threatens to tear him apart from the inside out.

Hux smiles shyly, unaware of Kylo’s rising discomfort. He slowly draws his hips back, pushing in with a gentle sway, while his hand still cradles Kylo’s face.

Then he drops his head and pushes his face into Kylo's neck, while he slowly fucks him, his movements gentle and measured.

Kylo whimpers pitifully with how good it feels, how much he wants this, and how he should not have this, _cannot_ have it. How much he misses being used, misses the hurt.

Hux’s nuzzling is both animal and human. It confuses Kylo with being both familiar and strange. His arms clamp round Hux’s back, defying his earlier order. But Hux just moans, undulating his back into Kylo’s grip while he rocks deeply into him.

Maybe he is trying to push Hux away. If so, he fails, his fingers spreading against Hux’s sweaty skin, holding on. He sobs, unable to even manage the smallest task to save himself.

A litany of breathy words, broken and quiet flow against the damp skin of Kylo’s neck, carried there by Hux’s panting moans. Kylo’s not sure they are even supposed to reach his ears.

“Wanted to be gentle, wanted this, wanted you...”

Kylo thought he was exposing himself, making himself vulnerable allowing this. Realisation hits him hard that Hux exposed himself even more. This nakedness suddenly scares him with its enormity, entangling and growing with his already rising panic.

This is not okay. Nothing of it is, suddenly. This is not how they’re supposed to be, who Kylo is supposed to be. What he should need. What he can allow. The gentle undulation of Hux’s hips, the fingers ghosting over Kylo’s face, all of it… He cannot want this.

“Make it hurt, Hux,” Kylo whimpers, “Please make it hurt.” He gasps for breath, feels like all the air is sucked out of his lungs with his plea.

“But I don’t...” Hux looks conflicted.

Kylo grabs Hux’s face between his large hands, draws him close until their noses touch.

“Hurt me, please.” It is so hard to put words to this, but he has to, has to make Hux understand. And quickly. He feels himself unravelling already.

“I like- like it when you do.” And he does, he really does.

Kylo’s head falls back onto the pillow as if this admission has cost him all his strength. Maybe it has. It feels like it. On a level beyond the physical.

He closes his eyes and fights the urge to fold his arms over his face. He’s sure his face is like an open book right now; all the apprehension, exhaustion and overwhelming, crippling need clearly visible. Part of him hopes in vain that Hux cannot read it.

Kylo chokes as he is jolted roughly up the bed as Hux thrusts as hard as he can. The crown of Kylo’s head hits the headboard with a thud, only the thin pillow in between preventing a bruise.

Bracing himself against the bed, Hux puts his whole weight behind every thrust, every deep shove.

He gulps in huge breaths, their skin slapping sharply, underpinned by Kylo’s low, relieved groans as the dull pressure finally makes him feel bruised.

This is what he wants to get what he needs. He needs the pain for the gentleness, the connection he so deeply, shamefully craves.

He moans and gasps, and writhes and clutches at Hux, encouraging him, goading him. But even if he wasn’t, he knows he would still be touching Hux. The feel of his skin slick and slippery with sweat, the heat of his body, his grunting and harsh panting is simply too wonderful.

This is okay. Hux hurts him yet makes him feel so good at the same time, the perfect measure of pleasure and pain.

The dull pain and sparks of pleasure coalesce to an ever growing cascade of sensation.

This is good. This is what he needs - no, _wants_.

What he _needs_ now is what is still at the top of his list.

Kylo angles his head, trying to coax Hux to just shift his face a little so their lips can meet. But Hux doesn’t seem to understand, doesn’t react as Kylo wants him to. He is obviously enjoying the contact, brushing his cheeks enthusiastically against Kylo’s as his hips pump hard and deep, but he only maintains the steady contact Kylo initiated.

For a brief moment Kylo fears that maybe Hux is letting him down gently, that he doesn’t actually want something so intimate.

But then he realises he has to make himself clearer, make himself understood. Hux cannot read his mind, nor his intention right now; not with Kylo’s track record of how abysmally he handles closeness.

It physically pains him to say it out loud, to make this request, voice this wish. It makes his throat close up, so he has to get it out quickly.

“Kiss?” He croaks feebly, the word garbled almost beyond recognition.

Hux goes utterly still.

Anxiety twists and mangles Kylo’s stomach. Maybe he was wrong after all. Maybe Hux really doesn’t want to.

Hux draws back enough to look at him. His eyes are wide and he looks utterly shaken.

With a groan that seems to well up from his core, he surges forwards. He is shaking.

Their lips clash roughly, will bruise in a few hours. Hux instantly gentles the caress, a wet sweep of tongue making lips on lips now a slick slide.

The moist sounds of their kissing are accompanied by Hux’s sudden, choked moan as he stills, his cock buried deep, and then beautifully shakes apart above Kylo with a whimpering sob.

Kylo is stunned, dumbfounded as he holds on to Hux’s trembling body.

Hux came from kissing him.

He seems to realise what Kylo is thinking and flushes, looks embarrassed, but seems determined to kiss him as long as Kylo allows him to.

Kylo is inclined to never say no.

Hux presses their lips together, sliding and slipping between hot breaths as he tries to keep the punishing rhythm and strength as long as he is still hard and has the strength. But he starts to falter. Although his thrusts are as forceful as before, he slows, swaying more than rocking Kylo against the headboard, but his thrusts are thankfully still strong enough to create that deep, dull ache Kylo craves. The slowed movement, the long press inside him only serves to heighten Kylo’s pleasure at it.

Hux is grunting, brings his exterion into their kisses, his ragged breaths push into Kylo’s mouth through their joined lips.

Kylo mewls softly every time their mouths press close, drinks up his exhales. It seems to spur Hux on and his panting breaths morph into Kylo’s name and words he dare not recall.

Hux needs his arms to balance his weight above him, to grip the sheets and pull himself into Kylo when he thrusts. His arms are trembling with the strain. His brows are drawn together and he is panting harshly, almost at the end of his strength.

“Come, please come. I want to see it, K-kylo, please, let me see you?”

For the blink of an eye Kylo’s breath sticks in his throat. But Hux’s next hard shove deep into him seems to shake it loose. He moans, the whining sound loud in the room.

He worms both his hands between them, curling them around his aching cock.

His own orgasm had only been an afterthought so far, but once his fingers curl around the hard length slick with sweat between their bellies, the focus of sensation snaps to it so fast it makes Kylo dizzy.

He has to keep looking at Hux though, he cannot tear his eyes away or close them to shut out his flushed, sweaty face, the yearning expression directed at Kylo.

He almost cannot bear it, but at the same time it tightens the pleasurable pressure in his gut.

He speeds up his pulls, jerking hard and fast while Hux watches, still fucking him slowly, but forcefully. The hard thrusts continue to push Kylo against the headboard.

With a choked gasp and curving spine Kylo finally comes. The hot splashes are smeared and slicked between them while Hux pistons his hips, wringing spurt after spurt from him, making Kylo whimper and whine, shudder and twitch.

Once he feels able to, Kylo gently pats Hux’s shoulder trying to communicate that he can stop moving, although every time he does, Kylo still sees sparks at the edges of his vision. But he is exhausted and so is Hux, who collapses gratefully half on top of him catching his breath.

Kylo feels Hux slipping out of him, a warm trickle following, soaking into the sheets bunched against his arse.

Hux is so warm on top of Kylo, his skin flushed blotchy red and dripping with sweat, his chest slides smoothly against Kylo’s with every breath.

Kylo isn’t sure if he should curl his arms around Hux’s back again like he very much wants to, seeing as his hands are covered in come. But he feels close, connected, he wants to convey that somehow. He thinks he gets his answer when Hux nuzzles very animal-like into his neck, inhaling deeply, rubbing his sweaty face into Kylo’s damp hair, snuffing softly.

What would a little semen really matter now?

So he hugs him close, feels Hux draw even closer and sigh deeply, relaxing - or rather slumping - fully against him.

They fall asleep listening to the other breathe.

Kylo awakes on his back, his eyes still closed. He wonders briefly what has woken him before he can pinpoint that slightly disconcerting feeling of eyes on him. It usually catapults him into wakefulness, ready to fight, but now it just makes his neck prickle.

He doesn’t feel threatened.

When he turns his head towards that feeling and opens his eyes, Hux’s greenish-blue ones look back at him.

He is curled up on his side next to Kylo now, his face pillowed on his hands as he calmly watches him. He closes his eyes, a slow blink, his gaze afterwards skittering across the mattress to study the pattern of the weave intently, and then takes a deep breath.

“It is good,” Hux says quietly, “What we do. The three of us. And I need it as much as you do.” He looks at Kylo then, his eyes calm and knowing.

Kylo finds it hard to keep meeting that gaze.

“But it is also easier to hide things. To hide _from_ certain…. things,” Hux ends lamely and cringes at his own awkward obtuseness. Kylo thinks that maybe Hux is not talking about him.

 _Hux_ now seems to find it hard to hold their gaze.

He turns his head back towards the ceiling, addressing it instead of Kylo.

“I wanted this,” he says. His voice sounds sure and steady, but Kylo can gather how much it costs him to say this. It costs Kylo just to _listen_ to it.

“I wanted this like this.” He stops again, cringes again. “Damn.”

Huffing out a short breath, Hux visibly steels himself and pushes on. “I wanted _you_ like this.”

He turns and looks at Kylo then. His eyes are clear and calm, his face open, for once hiding nothing, the shyness back at the edges, unsteady and jittery, waiting for a reaction. Maybe ridicule or rejection.

Kylo is sure that Hux would take either with the same steady gaze, yielding up to his fate.

Kylo admires that strength. He would not be able to do this were he in Hux’s place.

He also still doesn't have a reaction for this. His mind feels empty. Not unpleasantly so, but calm, without turmoil. And without thoughts.

Hux seems to realise he will not be getting a straight answer or reaction, so he continues in a low murmur, “I want the other things, too. The scenes, Dopheld. But sometimes… sometimes I just want you like this.” He pauses. One hand twitches towards Kylo, but never quite makes contact. “As you are.”

Hux’s expression is oddly peaceful in the silence that follows. As if speaking has unburdened him in some way.

Kylo still has no answer for him. Isn’t certain this really needs one.

What Hux said doesn’t lie heavy in his mind. Rather, it floats gently on the mirror smooth surface of his thoughts, buoyed by his gentle longing for Hux beside him.

He can live with that.

And he thinks with a contented sigh, turning fully towards him, that Hux can, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Btw, I fully blame this on you, Atlin, for leaving me that comment on Felidae that just wouldn't leave me alone XD


End file.
